CONVERSATIONS WITH MINI ME

June 3, 2008 at 3:08 am

More than a year had passed and I completely forgot them – the things I learned in high school. My bestfriend said I learned a lot from my first year in college but I forgot a lot of things, too. Well she does that all the time – nag me (laughs). But most of the time and most of the things she said is right. I have this nasty but beneficial, in some ways, habit of keeping secrets. Even little things. Even to my “bestest” friends. She hates me for that. And I love how she wrinkles her nose and twitch her eyes when I say, wala ‘yun. It has been my strength, keeping things on my own, telling the world it’s ok even if the truth is I am as devastated as spongebob when he broke his spatula, still managing to fake a smile and throw the silliest joke to the crowd and everybody else were happy. And I can free my tears. Who will know that it’s because I’m in great pain? I just had a great laugh and everybody would think that it’s tears of joy. Perfectly deceiving, isn’t it? I was so damn good in doing it!

I forgot it all. And I did a lot of confession. It became a little bit lighter for me but I never realize how much weight it would be for the people involved. I confess things that the high school me would just burry in the depths of sleep and unintelligible writings. Now I feel like a disgrace to that kid. If I would be splitted into two, and I will be talking to my 15-year-old self, I’ll get a real hard kick on my ass. I can almost hear her say, ”What the hell! Look what I’ve become, you, fartknocker! Oh… I’m gonna be a terrible bunghole two years from now…” And I would answer, “Yeah you’re right. It’s better if you would kill me now. Kill me. Kill me now! Grab an ax and bring me down to pieces little self, come on!” And then we will both realize that there isn’t any ax in the room and she would be really pissed out. She would get that bbq stick I can see, from my school project on the table and dig it right through my head. And she would do it several times. I would be so sorry then. I can't sue her for two things. First, there isn't any assault for "other self murder" and second, I'm dead.

Oh, good thing, I don't have to worry about it. Quite impossible. haaay..

[sigh]

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Yeah, I'm so I don't know now. Insipid. Insane.